Excuse me....hola signore and signorinas*
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I chose the movie Good Will Hunting, this movie isn't just an inspirational script but it touches the hearts of many individuals. Will Hunting is a man who believes that he has limits and hides his talent from the world, he is a brilliant mathematician. He lived in a row home by himself in a very rural part of Boston, Massachusetts. He is an orphan who has had a traumatic past that has effected the way he perceives the world and the people who surround him. He's too afraid to be wrong or too afraid to truly know himself that he makes cocky remarks to everything and everyone in his way. Hunting had a solid group of friends that would commit murder for his well being and a woman who challenged him to be better and taught him how to love. There were two men that saw his potential to break free of the history he’s had. One man was the professor who discovered his talent and the other man was the one who broke him free of his raw grudge against himself. After putting his aggressive actions behind and moving forward with his sessions with Sean, the psychologist, he realized that the life he was living did not fulfill him. His “soulmate” was a student at Harvard University and left to go to medical school in California. He broke up with her because he was too afraid to get too close to her before she left, but ended up leaving everything behind and move for her. Will learned to stop running from challenges but to embrace them and make his life something to live for.
We could ask:
Thursday February 4th, 2010 at 2:00, this was the day and time when my world was flipped upside down. It was a beautiful winter morning, the air was crisp and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. As I awoke on this memorable morning, my head and stomach felt anything but ordinary. I ran into my parents room with tears rolling down my face and I demanded to stay home from school that day. They questioned why I was crying and I said “ it’s going to happen today, I need to be with her”. They didn't believe me at first and they did not want to take me out of school another day, but nothing they said stuck with me, I had to stay home. You might question who is this “her”, she is my grandmother, my beautiful, full of life grandmother.
She had been sick for over a year at that point but started out with kidney failure and then to congestive failure which ultimately lead to organ failure. My parents decided to place her in hospice and relieve her of her pain. I selfishly did not agree because I wanted her around as much as possible but, in the long run it made the most sense. That morning, I have no idea what it was but there was something telling me that today was the day that she would pass. My parents thought she had another week or more left in her but with my certainty about this they decided to keep me home from school. My mother and I got everything ready at the house in order to stay at hospice all day. By noon, were on our way. All I recall seeing on the drive there was a giant Walmart to my right and my god it really was such a perfect day outside. As we arrived we both rushed right to her room, up the elevator and through the hallway we went, it was always so quite I felt awkward even coughing. As we walked in, we saw my uncle sitting beside her bed with his head down. I walk to the other side of her bed and held her hand. She was unresponsive at the time but she definitely had an idea of what was going on. I immediately turned on the TV to release the depressing and awkward tension in the room with my uncle and while I was scrolling through and something happened. The introduction of the show Reba started to play and I felt my nana squeeze my hand just the slightest bit, it was her favorite show so I knew to keep it on. After watching an episode or two I decided I was getting bored so my first instinct was eat or drink something. I ended up making a cup hot chocolate, there weren't a lot of options in the kitchen it was mostly just coffee, tea, hot chocolate and some stale cookies. As I was walking back to her room I made a quick pit stop to the bathroom. While I was washing my hands I looked up at the mirror and my mother knocked on the door, came in and said “I am going to Walmart really fast, I will be right back I promise, I love you”. She kissed me and left. I started walking back to my nana’s room as I was stirring the steam out of the cup with my straw. When my foot stepped over the entrance at the door I stopped saw the doctor sitting across her bed and my uncle across from him, looking down, and shaking his head, it was 2 o’clock. It was like a truck just landed on my chest and my body went pure cold. I immediately dropped the filled hot cup into the trash and ran over to her and started to cry. This wasn't just an upset cry, this was a rip your heart out, stomach pit, kick you in the face cry. I had so many emotions I didn't know what to do with myself. I was shaking and I started to have an anxiety attack, the doctors grabbed me a brown paper bag to breathe in and out of, but nothing worked. I just kept looking at her trying to make myself believe that it wasn’t real. All I wanted her to do was open her bright blue eyes and say I love you and hug me one more time. My uncle was in shock but decided to call my mother while she was gone and tell her the tragic news. All I remember hearing her screaming and the panic in her voice, knowing that she was not with her little girl during this time. I held on to my nana’s hand for dear life and I never wanted to let go. My uncle saw my devastation and hugged me for about 20 minutes until my mother arrived. This day was the worst most memorable days of my life. You can maybe see this as a bad way to remember her, but this is the story of how my home, my soul, was taken away from me; someone I can never return too. People live and die knowing that something in their life has a purpose and a home to return too, but I say not where but who. The connection I had with her was like no other, it has been 7 years since her passing and I still feel like that day was yesterday . I feel her presence immensely in certain situations, I know she is watching over me and guiding me always. Mindsets is just a fancy word for you, who you are, what you are, and how you do things. Not everyone knows exactly who they are and some are waiting for what they want to become, but considering your mind is what controls it all, hence the “mind” in mindset. Growth mindset and Fixed mindset are two completely different pathways to determine your success. In Teachers, Parents Often Misuse Growth Mindset Research , Carol Dweck Says (Carol Dweck) Dwecks overall consumption is that having a growth mindset can not just be stated, but needs to be put into definitive steps and put into action.
Having a Fixed mindset can be comfortable and usually people who have it don’t like challenge nor change. Personally I know that I have a growth mindset, and I know that that is a very common thing for students. In my academic years I have grown into only what was naturally bound for me. This meaning that I did not try to change how I perceive certain situations I just went with my gut. I’ve always wanted to do better especially if I was interested in the topic being discussed in class. I love participating and hearing other points of view from students to make the class more alive. It makes me a better listener and gives me the opportunity to gain knowledge, not just by listening to one teacher lecture for an hour or more. On the other hand, having a growth mindset means it needs to be fed, I can’t just sit around waiting for a new outcome in my grade if i’m sitting on the couch watching friends all day eating everything in my sight. I am human so Im not going to lie that that is a common ritual for me, but I do make sure that it happens after I finish everything I need to do. My academics have always been average, nothing extraordinary, but I feel that my knowledge isn't judged by a letter grade or a test. Its based on what I gained and the process learned along the way. Learning the actual concept is different than learning the process, which in my opinion is more important, and that is when the split of growth and fixed comes into play. Something I found interesting was when Alfie Kohn stated in The Perils of "Growth Mindset Education" [...] (Alfie Kohn) “A substantial research literature has shown that the kids typically end up less interested in whatever they were rewarded or praised for doing, because now their goal is just to get the reward or praise” I tend to disagree, I can understand that the praising and rewarding aspect is true, but doing something your good at does not mean it gets boring. In fact, it can become something bigger and better not just the average concept. I’ve had many teachers that don't like input and would rather just talk and talk and talk and let the information soak into our brains, but mine doesn't work like that. I need connections, I need examples and sometimes hands on activities for me to get the most out of what I’m learning. Some teachers enjoy debates and conversations in class, even getting off track in class is sometimes something they strive for and thats not for nothing. It means that students are engaged in the topic and want to let their thoughts and opinions take them wherever it leads them. Sometimes professors don't take me serious because they think I’m young and that I don't have a lot to worry about, so I have all the time in the world to study there one subject. It is my job as a student to have a growth mindset to go around those obstacles and to understand there point of view and prove to professors that I am more than what they think. Having a growth mindset usually comes with understanding that the world doesn't owe you anything and that it will throw punches left and right at you and it is your job to know personally how to deal with them. Teachers commonly think that age has a lot to do with how I retain information and they’re not wrong to think that, but for me, that’s not the case. For example when I was in high school I was part of the schools chorus association for 2 years I auditioned my sophomore year to become a member of the Chamber singers, that was just an older more mature elite group of singers. At the end of the audition my teacher told me I had a potential, but I was not ready to commit. She left me high and dry and I couldn't understand why she even said that. Dweck states In Teachers, Parents Often Misuse Growth Mindset Research , Carol Dweck Says (Carol Dweck) that instead of pushing off your students you should sit down with them and explain what they did wrong and how it can be fixed for next time. If you knew me you would know how offended and outraged I was and how badly I wanted to prove her wrong. I worked hard and studied music for it to become second nature to me and walked back into that room with my head held high ready to audition. I made it into chamber singers and fulfilled my passion to keep singing. I knew that if I put my all into something then there wasn't anything holding me back. In a way, she brought something out in me that I didn’t even know existed. Im guessing that was the whole point, were so much more than what we give each other credit for. My friends often tell me that I am a true weirdo, I think everything is interesting, literally anything, and it sometimes comes off as sarcastic or even that I’m uneducated but, I love learning something new every day even if it doesn't even have to do with academics. I cant just rely on pen and ink to satisfy my empty knowledge on a subject. My mind craves something more than just words, it needs experience. This article pointed out that having a positive academic mindset is very important and useful in future academic tasks. The part that hit me the most was when the article discussed the sub sets of an academic mindset and I knew that I was two of the four that were stated. The first one was number two My Ability and Competence Grow with my Effort, that is also known as having a growth mindset. It basically explains that having self confidence to create a mindset to do better will outcome in physically doing better. My experience with that is when my first semester of college came around, I was honestly nervous about a new school and new professors to adapt too, especially in math. My math teacher was an old man who had been teaching for longer than my life tripled so I just sat back and listened to everything he said. I took good notes and when the first test came around I can say I was pretty prepared but unfortunately I received a C and I was pissed. I tried to understand what I did wrong and so I did and I believed in myself to do better and when the course ended I’m proud to say that I ended that class with an A. I knew that with hard work I could receive the grade I wanted let alone the grade I deserved. The second subset I connected with was the fourth one This Work has Value for Me. This speaks to me because when I want something I do not take no for an answer and I do everything I can to make sure I have it, If I want an A in a class then Ill give it my all to do so, especially if I like the material. This certain subset also reminds me of my first semester in college, I was taking a student success class and that was the best choice I ever made. Even though some of the material was basic, it taught me to open my mind and take on personal responsibility for my academic actions and because I was so interested in the course I also ended that course with an A, proving that I really was listening and that I will use the skills and tools that I’ve learned. Students are obviously going to do better in something they are interested in because thats just common sense. If I feel if I am in a class that interests me then I think of the avenues this could take me in my future career, my future isn't set in stone, only god knows where I’ll be in the next 10 years.
In the two articles, both seemed to be moving in the same direction as well as proving the same points. They proved that using good feedback for a job well done is no good, that it sets students and children up for failure. Maybe not to the extent of failure, but definitely to hurt feelings if their work doesn't reach its expectations as it did previously. Rather than students being praised on the final copy, they should be praised on the effort or the dedication they put into it. That makes the student feel like they can push harder and they can crave the effort that gave them the satisfaction of the A, even if the paper or assignment isn't its best, its the effort that counts. There are some downfalls with only praising effort, You can’t always do that because if that is the case then the student might not see any progress in his or her work. Looking at the errors and saying “yes I can see where you are coming from, but if you put a little more effort next time your point would be made much clearer”. People with growth mindsets seek to catch the teachers eye a little more than fixed mindset people. A growth mindset can really impact your life as well as your education, being able to understand that your not always right and that asking questions and having communication is key. People with a growth mindset often do well in school because they seek to know more and to be optimistic in situations that fixed mindset people would be completely opposed too. Fixed mindset people tend to be comfortable in the zone they are in and don't want to know more or less than they already do. Most think they would be judged if they asked a question; more than likely if your thinking that question, at least 2 or more people are thinking the same thing, at least, so there isn't harm in asking. Fixed mindset people also tend to blame others for their mistakes rather than taking responsibility for it and changing their ways. It makes it easier to live without all that weight on you so why not blame others? No, the things you do only reflect you, not your parents not your friends, not your pets…it’s you. Changing a fixed mindset isn't easy because it is a comfortable area to linger in, but it can really harm how you perceive yourself and more importantly the world. Personally, I can say that I have a combination of the two mindsets with my academic history. When I feel the vibe in a classroom that everyone really gets what their doing I usually don't raise my hand to ask a silly question to interrupt the lecture, but my growth mindset looks outside of that factor and makes me think of the options I have to talk to that professor. Also, if I receive a test that wasn't my best I will look at the question and see if my notes weren't strong enough in that certain area. Then, ultimately I will discuss with my professor the strategies I can use in order to do better next time. I have come to the conclusion that I love learning but I am incredibly lazy so sometimes one really weighs out the other. Its a hard knock life am I right?
As I worked on this assignment I decided to talk to my father about it because in fact it was his mother after all; which who I was writing about and, who better to talk to than her son, my dad. My mother also helped along the way because she told me the little things I used to do to help my nana when she was sick. Considering my mom was there with me the day she passed away it would make the most sense to have an open conversation about that day to get the full effect. The most difficult part of this assignment was getting my feelings on paper, the way I felt that day was unexplainable and I had no idea where to begin to get the most out of the readers reaction, but then, I got my flow goin’. As we practiced in class, I free wrote for about 3 pages just rambling on and on about how I was feeling, what I saw and, even what her hand felt like. Slowly but surely I got it down. Now, it obviously isn't perfect and I didn't get every thought down on paper, but I’m getting there. While we were discussing this project, as soon as Sabatino spit the word Hiraeth out there I was automatically inspired. This isn't like any other writing assignment, it gives the writer and opportunity to reach deeper thoughts never imagined. That inspired me, so when I heard what it stood for, I immediately thought of my grandmother and the history I had with her. I started to jot down notes, nothing serious but when the first blog came around I went in! Where did I write this? multiple places at multiple times. In my living room with the bottle of perfume next to me, every time I got stuck I took a little whiff of it and I just kept going, yeah it sounds weird but it really worked. I wrote in my bedroom in the middle of the night sometimes when my mind was just non stop and I just had to write down my thoughts, if I didn't write it I knew I would forget about them the next morning. I chose to write about my nana because she is the only person that passed away that meant more than anything to me and this was an opportunity for me to show how much I adored her and how much I miss her. For future reference I know to have outside feedback, rather than just my intermediate family, because emotion can block constructive criticism. Sometimes in an emotional piece your mind just flows and you think that what your saying, others will understand. That isn't always necessarily the case so it is very helpful to have outside perspective.
Thursday February 4th, 2010 at 2:00, this was the day and time when my world was flipped upside down. It was a beautiful winter morning, the air was crisp and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. As I awoke on this memorable morning, my body and stomach felt anything but ordinary. I ran into my parents room with tears rolling down my face and I demanded to stay home from school that day. They questioned why I was crying and I said “ it’s going to happen today, I need to be with her”. You might question who is this “her”, she is my grandmother. She had been sick for over a year now but, started out with kidney failure and then to congestive failure which ultimately lead to organ failure. My parents decided to place her in hospice and relieve her of her pain. I obviously did not agree because I wanted my grandmother alive but, in the long run it made the most sense. That morning there was something telling me that today was the day that she would pass, but my parents thought she had another week or more left in her. My parents decided to keep me home from school, so my mother and I got everything ready at the house in order to stay at hospice all day. By noon, were on our way. All I recall seeing on the drive there was a giant Walmart to my right. As we arrived we both rushed right to her room, up the elevator and through the hallway we went, as we walked in we see my uncle sitting beside her bed with his head down. I walk to the other side of her bed and hold her hand. She was unresponsive at the time but she had an idea of what was going on. I immediately turned on the TV to release the awkward tension in the room and while I was scrolling through I stopped at the channel of Lifetime. The introduction of the show Reba started to play and I felt my nana squeeze my hand just the slightest bit, it was her favorite show so I knew to keep it on. After watching an episode or two I decided to make some hot chocolate. I made a quick pit stop to the bathroom and while I was washing my hands looking in the mirror my mother knocked on the door, came in and said “I am going to Walmart, I will be right back I promise”. She kissed me and left. I went straight to the kitchen to make myself a cup of hot coco.I was walking back to my nana’s room as I was stirring the steam out of the cup with my straw. When my foot just stepped over the entrance at the door I saw the doctor sitting across her bed and my uncle across from him, looking down, and shaking his head, it was 2 o’clock. I immediately dropped the filled hot cup into the trash and ran over to her and started to cry. This wasn't just an upset cry, this was a rip your heart out, stomach pit, kick you in the face cry. I had so many emotions I didn't know what to do with myself I was shaking and I started to have an anxiety attack, the doctors grabbed me a brown paper bag to breathe in and out of, but nothing worked. I just kept looking at her trying to make myself believe that it wasn’t real. All I wanted her to do was open her bright blue eyes and say I love you and hug me one more time. My uncle decided to call my mother while she was gone and tell her the news. I still remember hearing her screaming and the panic in her voice, knowing that she was not with her little girl during this time. I held on to my nana’s hand for dear life and I never wanted to let go. My uncle saw my devastation and hugged me for about 20 minutes until my mother arrived. This day was the most memorable days of my life, you can maybe see this as a bad way to remember her, but this is the story of how my home, my soul, was taken away from me, someone I can never return too. People can assume your home is where your room is or even where you eat dinner, but I say not where but who. The connection I had with her was like no other, it has been 7 years since her passing and I still feel like it was yesterday. I feel her presence immensely in certain situations, I know she is watching over me and guiding me always.
Its tradition for cookies to made around christmas time for my family, and I’m not just talking about container chocolate chip cookie dough put onto a sheet and baked. Im talking about recipes from scratch and containers topped on more containers full of ricotta cookies, pizzells, home-made tarales, oatmeal cookies, and my favorite, butter cookies. The person that started this all was my nana, she had this old fashioned cookie press that had different cut nozzles that you could attach on to make the most delicious cookies you could ever imagine. You had to lay the press down flat on to the cookie sheet while pushing and turning that nozzle like your life depended on it, it was a tricky concept but, with years of practice I finally mastered it. I remember the last christmas we had with my grandmother was one of the best because that was the last time we baked together. It was an annual thing for us, she made the batter, I watched and used that tedious cookie press when it was time. Unfortunately, she was too sick at the time to make the batter so she watched as me and my mom would make it but, no matter what, even if she was baking or not, she always made sure there were extra butter cookies with the rainbow jimmies because she knew they were my favorite. That cookie press is still used to this day and I will refuse to use something else. You might ask why? Because if I can capture just the slightest memory of her, I will take it. I know this sounds cliche, but this was something special that we shared and I was only 12 when she passed so my remembrance of her remains the same from that point on. I always think of how she would react to the situations that are occurring in my present life. Even though her physical presence isn't here she still has just as big of an impact on my life.
The dictionary meaning of Hiraeth ,“a homesickness tinged with grief or sadness over the lost or departed” stands the same when it comes to my perception of it . A place that you call home but in which you can never return, whether it be a physical in animate object, or human. It is something that pertains to you in a much deeper way than others might perceive. This is something that is right up my alley, I love reaching into a deeper meaning of situations that seem not so interesting to others. This gives the writer an opportunity to perceive things differently and start to create something amazing. My Hiraeth is not a house, nor an object, but an actual human being. My home is my grandmother, someone that was ever so close to me that has past away almost 7 years ago from kidney failure. She was the strongest woman I knew and it kills me everyday that I can never return to her, but in a way I feel that she can return to me. When she passed away, I told my mother that I wanted her perfume, not because I wanted to wear it; it was granny perfume and it actually gives me a headache, but because of how distinct this smell was. This wasn’t just any type of perfume, this was cliques Aromatics Elixir. I am pretty sure that they do not even make this perfume anymore. The bottle is about the length from my thumb to my middle finger, long oval shaped frosted glass with scuffs all over it and a gold lid. Thankfully its more than halfway full, I keep this bottle right next to my makeup box in dresser drawer, it never moves and certainly can never be used. She always wore this perfume and every time I take a tiny whiff of it I get a million different flashbacks of her in the matter of 2 seconds. This bottle is the physical object that brings me back to my home that can never return too, my nana.
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Who I am...I am me, and I will only strive to better myself and stand by my morals. I am am old soul with an empathetic heart and a loud mouth. I don't follow a certain path, I live every day with a purpose. I am your average 5'3 Italian with a big heart and even bigger dreams. Archives
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